I give up. Up. Up. Up. Like the last time I wrote in my name that I gave up and my friend thought I was talking about that other guy, except that this time I'm just too plain tired. And the guy I like , guy who used to joke around with me and the person who was always nice, doesn't care at all, obviously, since he doesn't talk to me anymore at all. No joking around. Nothing. It reminds me of that week after the other guy and I broke up, when I felt like I was cut off from something addictive. As cheesy as it sounds. I just wanted it to be okay again, I missed it when he hugged me. And now I miss conversations with the new one.
He hasn't really been the same lately. And I'm tired of always feeling down because he really doesn't talk to me, doesn't pay the least bit of attention to me, doesn't care...I'm tired of it. So tired. I can't stand it.
Of course if he does start talking to me again, I'll be singing a different tune. But it probably won't happen. And honestly, even if he does....Nothing will ever happen between us. He's leaving. And with me, long distance doesn't work. It never ever does. I'm pretty much screwed.
Anywho, I talked with the ex boyfriend a week ago today. We really talked. For once. Maybe the first time. I think it was the first time I told him everything that was on my mind wihtout worrying about his reaction. And he talked to me. And we were good. ...Now it's kinda awkward again. Maybe there was a misunderstanding somewhere about how I feel about all of this [since UH everyone who saw us talking and saw me give him a hug thinks I want him back. Maybe he does too...]. Man, it would be weird if he did.
Anywho, I'm gonna go to bed now. I'm tired and need a few hours of sleep. I want to be awake tomorrow morning in class. :]
- Later
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