I Could Use A Coincidence

This is one of those days when I have so much to say but can't actually organise my thoughts long enough to figure out exactly what I mean.

I had some sort of horrible epiphany last night, and it actually completely stopped me from getting any kind of sleep until very late into the night, at which point I was just too tired not to sleep. I was so tired I couldn't think anymore. Then I woke up this morning and had another one of those [although, I guess I can't say that one was really some sort of epiphany since I already knew that I make horrible decisions before I realised it this morning].

So today is one of those days. I am just down...Actually, I've been feeling down all week. Not that anyone really noticed. All you gotta do is tell people that you're tired, and they'll leave you alone. I'd rather no one notice than everyone asking me why I'm not happy-go-lucky 24/7.

But today is just not a good day.

I'm 17 years old. That's kinda scary. I thought the whole "I-turned-17-Holy-shit-next-year-I'm-graduating!" thing had hit me a couple of weeks after I turned 17, but I was wrong :). It hit me last night. I was thinking about this year's grad and about a conversation I had with an old friend who used to live here about how weird it is that we are all graduating next year. And then it just hit me, full on. They're leaving. The Grade 12s are leaving at the end of this year, that's only what, 5 months away. God knows I'm not going to react well to that one. I'll probably be depressed all freakin day on the last day of school, tears&mascara running down my face. A couple of people are probably gonna ask me if I've suddenly decided to go emo. Sigh.... I don't want them to leave.

I've never really had that kind of trouble before, since I didn't actually talk to the people who were graduating. Or at least we weren't very close. It's different this year, though. The people who are leaving this year are all my friends. I love all of them. Even when they're annoying as hell :) [I'm sure they lov me when I'm annoying, too] . It's not gonna be pretty...What it's gonna be when I graduate next year is what I'm mostly worried about, though. I hate goodbyes.

Although honeslty, it's not like I can't handle losing every single friend I've made here. It's happened before [i.e. when we moved here, I lost every single person who meant anything to me in my old town...which is why I hate this town]. But the more I think about leaving, the less I actually feel like leaving. Which is exactly the reason why I used to be such a bitch. Lot easier to move away from people you don't give a shit about [and who don't care about you] than a whole bunch of people you're actually sad to leave [and who are sad to see you leave].

Anyways, it's a promise that I made to my parents about [*ahem*]6 weeks ago that no matter how attached I got to anyone I would still go to university in Montreal in 2008.

It's just that it's getting increasingly scarier. 2008 is coming closer and closer. And I'm not ready to leave. I mean. We're in 2007 dammit! I graduate next year. How's that not supposed to scare the freakin hell out of me?

Gahd, I'll have to remember not to wear black eyeliner or liquid eyeliner in June[07 and 08]. No way in hell I'm gonna be sad and look like a raccoon at the same time [Hmmm, that sounded a bit vain].

I swear to god the only good thing about grad is dress shopping :).

-Laters

---> DAMN I can't wear any black/liquid eyeliner at grad either! Those speeches are enough to make even the most insensitive person cry. GAHHHD. :( I like black eyeliner.